Published March 11, 2009
Just wrote this, too. Please tear it apart! Also, please comment! Thanks!
When did you stop?
When did you pop?
Where will yo go?
Do you even know?
Dying, dying, dead
In this world of water and bread.
Far away from the cause
Time to stop and pause
What’s the point?
We lost sight
Of what is good, what is right.
Fallen away, carried farther it seems
Than even possible.
Where is hope,
Where is the one
To show us the way.
Oh so negative
With no time to live
In this world of suffering and pain
Washed away by a numbing rain.
What’s the point?
We lost sight
Of what is good, what is right.
Fallen away, carried farther it seems
Than even possible.
Where is hope,
Where is the one
To show us the way.
Where did redemption go?
Was it us who first said “no”
To the one, the Father
The way we act; should He even bother?
What’s the point?
We lost sight
Of what is good, what is right.
Fallen away, carried farther it seems
Than even possible.
Where is hope,
Where is the one
To show us the way
Jesus, is that you?
Jesus, King of the Jews
You never left us after all
Why could we nont hear Your call?
You are the point
You are the one
Who has shown us the way
Fallen away, carried farther it seems
Than even possible.
Yet You still manage
To bring us back
To Your intimate love.
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Hello, my name is Colt. I really liked this song. It reminded me of the Little Mermaid. Hehe.
There was a lot of alliteration and repetition, good job on that. Commas could also be added to, they are needed. Otherwise, grammar and form are pleasing. I really liked it!